It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
