I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
