you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
