I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dignity is for republicans.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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