I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Terrible idea I love it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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