Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
