The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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