Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
