please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
