you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
