I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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