Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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