So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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