she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
