Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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