Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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