just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
