Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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