New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
