So drunk its hurt
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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