I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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