I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
