just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
