I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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