I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
