i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
