giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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