We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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