Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
