Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
