he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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