So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
