He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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