my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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