Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
