Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
