I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
