its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
