the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
