So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
