I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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