I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
one might say we're banned from that church
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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