I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
