I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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