Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
