when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
