Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
where am i from again
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
