It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
