her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
