I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
