i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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