At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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