Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
