Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
this beer tastes like vomit already
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
