I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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