You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
