So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
