I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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