Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
