3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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