I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
