You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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