I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
