everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
