dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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