apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
