if i can run in heels then i can drive
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
