I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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