She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
