I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm passing your future prison.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
