it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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