You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
