Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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